Wednesday, June 30, 2004
How She can turn any conversation into a personal attack
replay of a conversation she called me 3 days before I am heading out on a one day long road trip to a destination she is also going to with our child. She is also driving but is taking 2 days so is leaving a day earlier.
she: child and I are going to fly out instead of driving but child would really prefer to drive out, could she go with you instead of flying? [note: driving desire is probably more related to wanting to be with siblings which could have been guessed and resolved weeks or months ago than it is desire to be in a car instead of a plane]
me: sure, i'd be happy to have her go with us, but could i ask that in the future you not make requests for such big changes to schedule so close to the time?
she: well, i just realized today that I am not up for driving that's why i didn't know until now that child wouldn't be able to drive out. that's why i am asking now.
me: well, i am just asking if in the _future_ you could just plan further ahead so the changes won't be so close to the time...
her: i don't know if i can do that or not
me: then could you just not MAKE requests to change the schedule in such large ways so close to the time?
her: if it bothers you she doesn't have to go, she can just go with me
me: that's not what I said, I said I would be happy to have her go with us but asked if in the future you could not make schedule changes so close to the time...
her: if it bothers you then, it bothers you now, so why don't you just stand up for yourself and say that you don't want her to go with you?
me: that's NOT what I said, when you can talk to me without putting words in my mouth you can call me back. [click - I then hung up]
2 days later she hadn't called back, I had to ask with 36 hours before departure time how child was going to be travelling. she said she is travelling by plane. i can only imagine what lies she told the child about why she can't go with her dad and siblings.
she: child and I are going to fly out instead of driving but child would really prefer to drive out, could she go with you instead of flying? [note: driving desire is probably more related to wanting to be with siblings which could have been guessed and resolved weeks or months ago than it is desire to be in a car instead of a plane]
me: sure, i'd be happy to have her go with us, but could i ask that in the future you not make requests for such big changes to schedule so close to the time?
she: well, i just realized today that I am not up for driving that's why i didn't know until now that child wouldn't be able to drive out. that's why i am asking now.
me: well, i am just asking if in the _future_ you could just plan further ahead so the changes won't be so close to the time...
her: i don't know if i can do that or not
me: then could you just not MAKE requests to change the schedule in such large ways so close to the time?
her: if it bothers you she doesn't have to go, she can just go with me
me: that's not what I said, I said I would be happy to have her go with us but asked if in the future you could not make schedule changes so close to the time...
her: if it bothers you then, it bothers you now, so why don't you just stand up for yourself and say that you don't want her to go with you?
me: that's NOT what I said, when you can talk to me without putting words in my mouth you can call me back. [click - I then hung up]
2 days later she hadn't called back, I had to ask with 36 hours before departure time how child was going to be travelling. she said she is travelling by plane. i can only imagine what lies she told the child about why she can't go with her dad and siblings.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Did I mention negativity
She called yesterday about kid schedule and mentioned that our kid wanted to show her my new house so they drove by - she said it was cute (or something similar). Then the kicker, the negative I never quite was able to ignore when we were married, the kind of negative that you can do nothing about; "What do you think of the neighborhood?". I said "I don't care". Which probably sounds different than how I mean it. The street is a busy street (on the main street of town), it is not nestled in a suburban plat, there is a bowling alley and a gas station /convenience store up the street, a little further up there is a gun shop and a legion hall. Heading the other way it's a little more commercial with a strip of small businesses and food chains and apt buildings. What I meant when I said "I don't care" is "I don't care what you think of the neighborhood because I have to pay child support to you and pay for your insurance and I have barely enough money to afford to live ANYWHERE where I have barely enough room for the kids and in a year of looking this is the best place I found by far and it was out my range and I am not sure I can afford because you haven't been paying your share of the mortgage on the house we couldn't sell so I've gone way into debt, so even though this house needs major repairs before it is even habitable and it doesn't have a yard and is on a busy street and the neighborhood isn't all that picture perfect, and isn't my ideal of a house either, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK". That is what I meant. Just go away and take your negativity with you, as you can see I can generate more than enough negativity myself - I don't need your poison thank you very much.
Wow, I really have a lot of repressed stuff stuck down here.
Wow, I really have a lot of repressed stuff stuck down here.
